Meet the In-Laws
by euromagpie
Summary: When the Akatsuki hq is discovered, the pairs are told to scatter and lay low for three weeks. Sasori and Deidara end up staying at Deidara's family's home. Sasori might come to regret agreeing to this. not really SasoDei. Unreliable author, might not ever finish this. Rated T for suggestions and language.
1. Chapter 1

**Yosh, this is a new story. I don't know if I'll ever finish it, I doubt it, but whatever, I'll give it a go.**

 **Warning: some fucking swearing by Hidan, and some (a lot) of meanness by Deidara's family member. This isn't really a SasoDei story, but the pairing does get alluded to a lot. Apart from that, if something doesn't make sense, google first, then ask me.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

xxxxx

It was midday by the time Deidara and Sasori reached Kurekawa village. They'd been walking for a day and a few hours at this point. It had been an awkward journey; Sasori had been steering Hiroku in silence while Deidara had been sprouting more nonsense than normal due to his nerves. When Pein had announced that their hideout had been discovered, all the members were told to split up and find somewhere to hole up for a while. Three weeks at the most, the leader had promised. Hidan had, of course, immediately complained that they'd have to stay in shitholes of hotels again, and though his partner didn't say anything, it was quite clear from his glaring, that Kakuzu wasn't looking forward to parting from his money to pay for rooms for three weeks. Deidara had suspected Hidan would be forced to sleep outside for at least half the time.

The group had dispersed, the zombie duo grumbling to themselves, and Itachi and Kisame resigned to their fates. They were lucky; at least they _liked_ each other. After Pein and Konan had departed, Deidara had found himself alone in the main space of their headquarters with his silent partner.

Since their current hideout was close to Iwagakure, Deidara had spontaneously offered up his family home to his partner for the next three weeks. After all, his old home was close by and since the majority of the family were civilians, they wouldn't know, or care, that Deidara was a missing nin. This way they wouldn't have to pay for three weeks of shitty mattresses and sub-par meals.

Currently, the blond was mentally beating himself up. That was the most idiotic idea he'd had for a while. It was too late to make an excuse now, though, he thought, as the familiar gateposts marking the beginning of the village came into view.

"We're here, un." He informed his partner. Sasori looked up in interest. Deidara had alternately pleaded, cajoled, reasoned and begged Sasori for the past hour to stow away Hiruko for the time being. He didn't particularly want their presence to be noted, and Hiruko wasn't the most subtle of carapaces. Eventually Sasori had given in, even donning the civilian clothes his young partner had thrust at him. If he aquiescented to his request because of the logic of laying low for now or just to shut Deidara up didn't matter to for the moment; Deidara was just glad he'd won this small battle.

Sasori managed to pull off a frown, despite his face being a puppet. Deidara had never found out how he managed that.

"I thought you came from Iwagakure, brat." He said. While Sasori would never lower himself to asking Deidara a genuine question, he obviously expected an explanation anyway.

"Well my family's here. I lived here for six years before Mother took me to Iwa to attend the ninja academy there; my sisters and their family still live at the family compound." He explained, chewing on a strand of hair. He'd taken his trademark high ponytail down for now, simply fastening all his hair lower down, although his fringe still hid the scope implants around his left eye. Strangely enough he didn't cover his hands with his gloves as he normally did on undercover missions, but Sasori figured he had a reason for that. Despite what a usually said, he knew his partner had _some_ common sense.

Lapsing back into silence, the two walked into the village. It was small, with only a few businesses and vendours dotting the main street. Foot traffic was easily navigated compared to the bigger ninja villages. Despite the relative personal space the two ninja had, Sasori still felt the phantom sensation of raising hairs on the back of his neck. He wasn't used to being so exposed, spending most of his time inside his carapace. Now, in his smaller form his sensed were kicking into overdrive, trying to identify all the potential threats around (there were too many).

So absorbed he was in trying to quash the urge to turn around and crawl back into Hiruko that he barely noted that they'd stopped.

They had stopped in front of a long wall that would surround a residence, topped with a narrow roof of tiles. Right in the middle was affixed a set of double doors, painted maroon, with round black handles. Beside the door a metal plaque was set into the wall, reading:

' _Ij_ _ou_ _na Residence – Sumire House'_

So his partner _did_ have a last name. It wasn't unusual for ninja to not have a family name if disowned or orphaned, but Deidara had never seemed bitter about his family, so Sasori had occasionally wondered…

The blond stepped forward and put his hand on the plaque. Sasori felt a brief flare of chakra and the doors before them gave a small click. Without looking back at his partner, Deidara pushed them open, leaving Sasori to follow before they closed and locked him out.

Once he stepped through the threshold, he found himself looking onto a modest sized home, raised off the ground on short stilts, with a reed platform surrounding the residence. Leading up to the house was a gravel path filled with white stones and lined on either side by blooming flower bushes. Overall, it gave the Ijouna residence a peaceful, calm air. Vaguely, Sasori wondered how his loud, explosive friend fit into this kind of environment.

Belatedly, his eyes settled on a figure kneeling on the path, seeming to have been tending to a purple flowered bush before they had entered. Now she, for it was definitely a she upon closer inspection, turned to them and approached.

The woman looked to be in her mid-twenties, early lines appearing around her eyes. Her blonde hair was short and pulled back into a spiky ponytail and her blue eyes, rounder than Deidara's Sasori noted, were narrowed behind a pair of spectacles. She was wiping elbow length gardening gloves on an apron.

"Ah, Dickless is back." She said in a flat voice. If Sasori were human, he would have choked at the address, but he wasn't so he appeared calm while his partner glared at the woman.

"Nice to see you too, Henso nee-san, un." He responded. The red-head nodded to himself as both name and title slid into place in his mind. He had noted the family resemblance earlier.

"What are you working on?" Deidara asked, nodding his head behind Henso. She just stared at him, barely blinking in the awkward silence.

"Why are you here?" She eventually asked. Deidara scratched his head.

"Sasori no danna and I need a place to stay for a while. Two weeks, maybe three. House got burned down." They'd settled on a fairly simple backstory – the two were artists sharing a home for monetary convenience. The house got burned down in a missing nin raid together with half their village, so they needed a place to stay while they arranged alternate accommodations.

Sasori just resisted twitching his eye as Deidara's sister's eyes turned to study him. Slowly she looked him up and down, lingering on his painted fingernails first, then his face, finally his wavy red hair. She seemed to make some kind of decision, as she frowned.

"You really like 'em young, don't you, hime?" She sneered. Immediately, Deidara's face flushed bright red, a vein popping in his forehead.

"It's not. Like. That." He ground out through clenched teeth. His partner decided to step in then to avoid the bloodshed he could see in the future; they needed to endear themselves with these people, after all. Sasori himself wasn't a great fan of crappy hotels – woodworms always seemed to find themselves into his puppets.

He stepped forwards.

"My name is Sasori Akasuna. Despite my appearance, I'm older than you, br- Ijouna-san." Although he'd caught the derogatory slip in time, he still took a moment to miss Hiroku's deeper voice. That would have sounded so much more convincing if it wasn't said in the smooth tenor of a fifteen year old body.

The woman in front of him again flickered her eyes over his face as though trying to find wrinkles or perhaps trying to read the age in his eyes. Whatever she found seemed to prove inconclusive. Henso simply shrugged and began walking back to the house.

"Ahhh, whatever. Come on then, it's not as if we're low on space." She called over her shoulder. Deidara jogged to catch up with her as she began removing her gloves. Sasori was content to follow a few steps behind, listening into the conversation with one ear. However, the majority of his attention was focused on the base of Henso's neck, revealed by a low neckline, where a single eyeball was staring balefully back at him. Slowly, it blinked.

"-okaa-san?" Deidara was asking.

His sister tucked the gloves into her apron, flexing her hands at her sides.

"-wandered out a few hours ago. I'm sure she'll be back by tomorrow." She replied.

Sasori's gaze was now drawn from the watchful eye on Hanso's neck to another, slowly blinking from the back of her hand. Hands, Sasori corrected himself, as he observed her right hand's eye blinking too.

Another answer then; Deidara wasn't all that unique. The family surname made sense now too, if all family members had abnormalities like that.

Despite the three sights trained on him, Sasori did not say anything, simply following the siblings out of the sun and into the cool shade of the house. Hanso entered first, drawing the paper door to one side and kicking off her shoes in the lowered section of the entrance way. Without a word she disappeared into the first door down the hallway.

Deidara took off his shoes too, announcing their presence to the house.

"Shisturei shimasu." He said, tidying up the pile of shoes that was definitely too big for just one person. Sasori suddenly dreaded what he'd agreed too. None the less he added his footwear to the pile, then followed his younger partner into the room his sister had entered – after all, it was his house, Sasori was just a guest.

The room turned out to be a kitchen, decorated more modern than the traditional outside. The counter had a rice-cooker, a stove and a set of cabinets built in, with what looked like a plate of anpan set to one side. Hanso appeared to be heating a kettle on the stove to make tea, not that she'd asked. A kitchen table was pushed to one side and attached to that kitchen table was-

The little girl shrieked as the two nin entered the kitched. She clambered down from her seat and launched herself at Deidara, wrapping her arms around his leg.

"OBA-CHAN!" She shouted. Deidara's visible eyebrow twitched.

"I'M A MAN!" He yelled before abruptly calming down. The child seemed unaffected, only grinning up at him. He grimaced up at his sister.

"See what you've done, nee-san, un?" He asked plaintively. Hanso looked over at him without pity.

"Maybe you should cut your hair sometime, pussy. Stop looking like a girl and maybe one day you'll be 'uncle' and not 'aunty'." She said. Sasori wondered at the insults she was throwing at her brother – while they were obviously plentiful, they didn't seem to be said seriously, otherwise she wouldn't have allowed them to stay. The girl's high voice pulled him out of his contemplations.

"Ne, ne, oba-chan, who's that?" She asked. As fingers tucked hair back, Sasori saw the child had two sets of ears, one directly below the other. Strange family.

"That's Deidara-hime's husband." Hanso smirked.

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!"/"I'm not." She was immediately shot down by both ninja. The girl just looked between the three adults in confusion, tugging at an earlobe. Deidara sighed as he knelt down to her level.

"Sasori no danna is my…roommate, Asako-chan. Like my senpai. I call him danna because of my great respect for his art." He explained, ignoring the snort from his sister. Asako thought for a moment and then grinned, detaching herself from Deidara and instead latching onto Sasori's leg.

He stared down at the young creature in mild confusion. Lifting his leg he tried to shake her off, but she just giggled, holding on tighter. As the kettle screamed as it boiled, he set his foot down, figuring that if he ignored it, the creature would find something else to amuse itself with.

"Oji-san, oji-san, do you want to see what I made?" She asked eagerly. To his side he heard Deidara grumble that Sasori got to be called 'uncle' despite his looks. Sasori ignored him.

"No." He said to the child.

"-He means, 'yes'. Show us what you made, Asako-chan." Deidara hastily stepped in. With another grin the girl dashed out of the room, the loud thuds of her running feet slowly fading.

Sasori turned to his partner with a frown.

"I don't want to see what she made, brat." He complained. Deidara made an annoying buzzing noise.

"Bzzzt, wrong answer, un. You _always_ want to see what young children made." Sasori didn't think that was true, but he was stopped from arguing when Hanso set down a tray with three cups of green tea on the kitchen table. Deidara sat down on one side, with his sister opposite him and Sasori to his left. The blond took a sip before sticking out his tongue in disgust.

"Eurgh, nee-san, where's your sugar?" He asked. She pointed at one of the cupboards as he got up.

Sasori sipped at his own tea. As a puppet, he didn't actually need food or drink, nor could he taste any of it. But to keep up the illusion of normalcy, he would eat and he would drink while at the Ijouna house, even if he had to clean out his inner cavity every night. What a pain.

Deidara came back and added what looked to his partner like a disgusting amount of sugar to his tea before he drank deeply and sighed happily. His sister leaned across the table, her own fingers wrapped around her cup.

"I still can't believe you didn't make use of okaa-san's faith in you, Deidara. I mean, you could have been a ninja! Now you're an _artist_? As if there aren't enough of those in this family!" She complained. Sasori raised an eyebrow to his partner in silent question: _you didn't tell them you became a ninja?_

"The perfection of my art is more important than the path of a shinobi, un!" He said. The red-head wondered if he actually thought that or was just saying it as part of his cover.

"Besides, if I became a shinobi I wouldn't be able to visit you so often, un." Deidara added.

Hanso just sneered.

"Thankfully you only turn up every few years or so. Why did you move out of Iwagakure to a shared hovel in some backwater village anyway? At least when you were in Iwa you didn't come bother us so much."

Sasori tried to assemble Deidara's fake timeline. If he had moved to Iwagakure with his mother at six, then graduated at a normal age of twelve, he would have been considered an adult. Maybe he told his mother or didn't. Either way, his other family didn't hear about him graduating, so if he lived by himself in Iwa, he could have told them anything, even that he was just living as a civilian in Iwa, since he didn't graduate. He must have started visiting them again after defecting from the village, probably to have somewhere to eat and sleep if he didn't get hired for a while.

Deidara was about to open his mouth to retort, when thudding steps were heard again. Sure enough, those steps were attached to the young ball of energy that was Deidara's niece. Only this time she was dragging another two children with her. One was another girl who looked quite similar to Asako, and the other was a boy who was a little younger. The new children's arms were overflowing with brightly coloured cranes.

The boy ran up to the table, dumped the cranes on the surface and then reached up towards Deidara.

"Oji-chan, up, un!" He shouted. Sasori winced; everyone of Deidara's family was so _loud_. Maybe that was just children, though, he wasn't sure. He hadn't had the most experience with young kids. To make it worse this one seemed to have picked up his uncle's speech habit.

Deidara on the other hand seemed completely at ease, as he reached down, and grabbed the boy at the sides, lifting him up to sit him on his lap. The two girls also put their cranes on the table, not caring that a couple fell on the floor, before both squishing onto the one remaining chair to the left of their mother.

"And good evening to you too, Yorumaru, un." Deidara addressed the boy dryly. He was still 'chan', but at least he was an uncle to the boy. If he heard another 'aunty' directed at him, he was gonna C0 right there and then.

The new girl reached over to pull at Deidara's hair, trying to get his attention. For all his sister seemed to dislike him, he appeared very popular with the kids, Sasori noted.

"Oba-chan, we've been making cranes so Ashijin's okaa-san will get better." Deidara barely resisted banging his head on the table.

Hanso reached over to unclench her daughter's hand from Deidara's hair.

"Shogou, you know Kozeni oba-chan isn't going to get better. She's going to be in the wheelchair for the rest of her life." She gently reprimanded her. Shogou's lip trembled and her siblings' eyes suddenly filled with tears.

"B-but we're so close, we h-had to get Ashijin-kun to count them cus there's so many. We have s-seven hundred and um, fifty two already." She sounded like she was about to cry.

Hanso looked unmoved, but Sasori watched in mild fascination as his partner fidgeted, absently patting his nephew's arm.

"Ah, maybe the crane can grant you some other wish, un? Maybe just wish Ashijin-kun good luck for life?" He suggested. The children thought about this for a minute before they each nodded.

"Yeah, yeah we can do that!" Shogou yelled. Hanso sighed, shooing the children away from the kitchen table, her brother helping Yorumaru climb off his lap.

"Go get yourself an anpan and then let the adults talk, okay?" She leaned down and gave Asako a kiss on the forehead.

The children brightened up even more and ran to grab themselves a bun off the counter before gathering up the cranes, Yorumaru now with freshly-sticky fingers, and disappearing out of the room as quickly as they had appeared.

Sasori imagined that if he were still flesh-and-blood he'd have had whiplash by now.

"By the way, where _is_ Kozeni nee-chan?" Asked Deidara, after a few moments savouring the silence. He took another sip of sickly sweet tea.

Four eyes blinked at her brother.

"Heikin-san took her up for a week-long trip to Yugakure. The wheelchair's been playing merry hell with her spine recently, so he thought the onsen there might help. Ashijin stayed with us though." She said.

When the silence became strained again, Sasori wondered if he should say something. He'd been quiet since they'd arrived, but maybe he should try to be more sociable? Internally he sighed. _Why do humans have feelings to hurt?_ He asked himself.

"Sooo, nee-san, where's the beautiful Koshou-san, un?" Deidara asked teasingly. How he could still be teasing when his sister was clearly unhappy with him was beyond Sasori. Hanso narrowed her eyes at him in warning.

" _My wife_ is still trying to give Ashijin a bath. Little ratbag ran through my Tsubaki bushes after I watered them. Deheaded some of them too." She growled, though whether it was at her brother's perceived hitting on her wife or her nephew ruining her flowers was unknown.

Sasori briefly wondered at how two women could produce three children that obviously had the Ijouna genes, and decided to ask the brat about it later.

It seemed like Hanso had run out of patience with the conversation as well. With a quick pull, she drained her cup, before getting up and clearing up the table, including Sasori and Deidara's half-full cups. With the subconscious moves of a mother she also scooped up the few coloured cranes left behind by her kids, dropping them on the counter next to the remaining bean buns.

"Since you two are so close you can share _Dei-chan's_ old room. I'll bring in another futon later. I'm going back into the garden. If you need anything, don't hesitate to keep it to yourself." She said, and with those curt words, Hanso disappeared down the hall, her gloves already being pulled out of her pocket.

Sasori looked at Deidara.

Deidara looked at Sasori.

He shrugged.

"That's my family, un."


	2. Chapter 2

Deidara had decided he'd wanted to catch some shut eye before dinner; the blond had been too nervous to sleep on the way to his home. Sasori, for lack of anything better to do, followed him to their room. It turned out to be relatively large, with an old futon spread out in the corner. To one side of the room was a wide bench with a sitting cushion in front of it. Small spots of dried clay still clung to the workbench. There was even a small kiln in the corner. When he looked around properly, Sasori realised that what he'd thought were decorations painted on the walls were actually seals against – he leaned closer – tampering. Sasori guessed they'd only open to his partner's chakra, and that behind the seals were cupboards built into the walls. Overall it seemed like a nice room, if it weren't covered in a thick layer of dust, indicating nobody had bothered to clean for a while.

Without a word Deidara moved over to his futon and started to untuck and beat the sheets, to get the dust and bed mites out of the material. As he did this, Sasori snagged the cushion from the workbench and made his seat against the wall beside Deidara's pillow.

Being a puppet, Sasori couldn't actually sleep, but he could rest, using a meditative technique his grandmother had taught him when he was small and suffered from night-terrors. The technique put him into almost a trance, letting him block out his surroundings and focus on solidifying the day's information in his head. Once he 'woke up' he'd feel refreshed, mental fatigue cleared up.

While he waited for his partner to settle down, Sasori decided to ask some of the questions he'd been contemplating since they entered the compound.

"So, brat, why does your sister hate you?" He asked. Blunt, but he didn't see why he should tip-toe around the topic. He'd learnt long ago that if Deidara decided to be offended at a topic, no amount of sugar coating it would avoid him blowing up.

The blond shook out and punched his pillow, a small grey mushroom cloud rising and then dispersing.

"Eh, nee-san is still bitter she didn't get to become a ninja, un, I think." He said. He took the following silence to mean elaboration was needed.

"Okaa-san is one of those old-fashioned sorts, you know? Women need to stay at home and be baby-makers, men go out and become ninja, un." He said. Even Sasori, socially stunted that he was, could hear the bitter tone.

"You don't think men are better suited to ninja life?" He asked. From Sasori's experience, there weren't that many S-rank kunoichi, although that might just be because he hadn't encountered non-missing nin in about twenty years. Maybe they were simply better at sticking to the rules.

"I dunno, really. I've never really thought about whether men make better ninja than women, seems like a pointless investigation since it's all about the individual, un? It's more because okaa-san decided for us. I didn't really want to be a ninja, but Henso-nee was really excited for it, apparently, un." He shrugged, taking the futon mattress and shaking it through the air before patting it down and assembling the pillow and cover. For a moment his eyes crinkled and then he sneezed, the hands on his mouth trying to spit out dust. Sasori watched the spectacle in disgusted fascination.

"So you would have been happy to just stay here?" Sasori asked. He couldn't imagine his explosive friend as some street vendour, or whatever measly jobs middle-class people had these days.

Absently, Deidara pulled the tie from his hair, carding his fingers through the blond strands. He pulled off his socks before answering.

"Probably not, un. But when I was six I had pottery and I had a home and I had friends. I wasn't really thinking of anything past that, un." He said, gesturing tiredly at the kiln. With a last sniffle, he slid under the futon covers.

"G'night, danna, un." He mumbled.

"Hnn." Sasori grunted, before he settled into the lotus position and withdrew inwards.

Xxxxx

When Sasori 'woke up', he estimated that a few hours had passed by. The paper screens separating Deidara's room from the outside were darker than before. It wasn't the changing light that had brought him back, but instead it was the loud thumping outside the room.

"Hai." He called. The door slid to the side, and Shogou poked her head into the room.

"Nee, nee, okaa-san and okaa-chan said dinner's ready." She said, in a surprisingly quiet voice. The girl didn't stay in the doorway. Instead, giggling quietly, she crept into the room. Under Sasori's watchful gaze, she crept towards where Deidara was sleeping. When she was only a hair's breadth away, she jumped.

As Shogou's body collided with Deidara's stomach, she yelled.

"OBA-CHAN, OKAA-SAN SAID TO PUT YOUR MAKEUP ON AND COME TO DINNER!"

Deidara jerked awake, all crazy eyes and flyaway hair. Sasori was impressed that Deidara hadn't murdered the child when he felt himself being attacked in such a vulnerable position. Instead, his young partner just curled up in mock-pain. Something like a child colliding with your stomach was nothing when you're a member of Akatsuki.

"Ahhh, Shogou-chan you're too cruel, un." He cried pathetically. His niece clambered off him and brandished her wrist, which has a blue scrunchie on it.

"Oba-chan, can I do your hair?" She asked. Deidara's eyes flickered to where Sasori was watching the interaction with thinly veiled amusement. He shook his head in despair.

"What's one more in a long line of humiliations?" He muttered to himself sarcastically, but sat down cross legged to let the girl at his hair. Sasori thought the girl looked in danger of exploding as she vibrated with excitement. What followed was the worst, most clumsy, hair-tangling mess he'd ever experienced, in Sasori's humble opinion, and having been partnered with Deidara for a while, he'd seen a lot of hair-disasters. That time when his entire head got covered in swamp muck and he couldn't clean it out for three days sprung to mind.

Eventually Shogou sat back on her heels and clapped.

"There you go, I gotta go now, or okaa-san is going to rip me limb from limb and bury me under the patio." She said cheerfully before dashing out of the room.

Deidara's shoulders slumped and he set to untangling the mess his niece had made – he'd have to remember to put the scrunchie back in before going to dinner, though, or Shogou would have a tantrum. While he fiddled with a particularly feisty knot, his partner was trying to figure something out.

"So what's her abnormality?" He asked. The blond grimaced.

"We avoid calling it an abnormality here, danna, un. We don't want to give the kids complexes."

"You're going soft." Was Sasori's reply, devoid of chagrin.

"Eh, but we're family, so they don't really count, do they, un?" Sasori wasn't sure about that reasoning, but decided against trying to drum another idea into his partner's thick head.

"Well, you've met Asako-chan, who has two sets of ears, which doesn't make her any better at hearing things, mind you. Shogou-chan was born with two hearts, but they had to operate to save her life, un. Then my nephew Yorumaru speaks with three voices, something to do with his voicebox, un. I can't wait until he hits puberty and all his voices break." Deidara sniggered, imagining the pain Henso would go through.

"But your sister is married to a woman?" Sasori enquired. He tended to think of himself as a master of biology – he would have to be, to preserve and alter human bodies as he does. Yet, even a child would know that two women couldn't produce biological children.

Deidara looked hesitant, slipping on his socks and retrieving two sets of slippers from near the futon. He threw a pair at his partner, who caught them easily.

"It's not really my place to tell you, danna, un." He said apologetically.

"Uhp, let's go." Deidara quickly cut off Sasori's next comment, about how brats shouldn't keep secrets from their elders. With a small groan he hopped up off the floor. His proffered hand was slapped out of the way as Sasori got himself up and, without a word, swept past the blond and out of the door.

Deidara sighed and fixed up his scrunchie.

Xxxxx

Dinner was held in one of the large rooms off the hallway – the walls were decorated with a cream coloured paper, and the floors reinforced with reeds. A low table took up the majority of space, and the family were already seated; Asako and her sister Shogou seated cross legged on one side with their mother Henso, the young Yorumaru opposite them with another boy whom Sasori presumed to be Ashijin, the son of Deidara and Henso's other sister. With them was another woman, dark skinned, with what looked to be all the right amount of body parts. Freckles dotted the skin under big, friendly looking eyes. The wife, then.

Deidara, in his usual loud fashion, opened the door with a loud rattle. The girls squealed, Henso looked on with distaste and Koshou gave the blonde a warm smile. Ashijin just frowned at the newcomers.

"Welcome back, Deidara-kun." Koshou greeted Deidara.

"You would be Sasori-san, yes?" She asked, nodding to Sasori. He in turn inclined his head as Deidara was tugged to sit at the head of the table beside Koshou. The only space was left at the other end of the table opposite Deidara, so Sasori seated himself there, shinobi senses prickling as he felt curious eyes on him.

As Henso began ribbing Deidara with her barbed quips, Sasori looked over the food that was ready on the table. Fried fish and rice, with eggs and pickled vegetables, each in its own elegant white dish. The dishes reminded Sasori suspiciously of his partner's 'art' pieces…

"Neh, Sasori-oji-san, why don't you blink?" Came a quiet voice from Sasori's left – Ashijin, upon inspection. Sasori was just about to open his mouth to tell the boy to mind his own business, when a loud thumping echoed through the house.

Henso sighed a put-out sigh, and rose from her position at the table.

"That would be okaa-san, then." She muttered. As she left the room, Deidara excused himself to follow her. Sasori also took the chance to escape the clutches of the small children, and as no complaints arose, joined his partner as they walked quickly behind Henso.

They made their way out of the house and down the garden path to where the large gates were still suffering from the insistent knocking.

"Hai, hai, I'm not a damn teleporter." Henso sneered. She quickly unlatched the gate. Sasori blinked.

Standing before them was indeed an elderly woman in a pin striped yukata, throat swaddled to the chin in a thick scarf, despite the day not being so cold at all. What had given Sasori pause for thought was the fact that she was accompanied by a police officer.

The man offered a shallow bow.

"Ijouna-san, I found your mother wandering around the fish-market." He stated, as though it was nothing unusual. Deidara's sister didn't seem to find this queer either, as she simply flapped a hand.

"Thank you for collecting her again, Buredo-san. I will try to keep a closer eye on her. I hope she didn't keep you from your daughter's birthday? She's five today, isn't she?"

Buredo beamed. It must be a close-knit community in Kurekawa, Sasori mused, as the two chattered away. Neither noticed the elderly woman getting more and more irate until she burst into their conversation.

"Don't you go giving dangerous information to strangers, girl!" She snapped, thick eyebrows drawn together in irritation. Henso sighed.

"Buredo-san is hardly a stranger, okaa-san. Remember, you used to go to the dojo with his mother, Yari-san?"

"Hmmph, can't be too careful, girl. Iwagakure didn't get to where it is today by trusting people! We need to- Deidara?" Warmth suddenly shone from the woman's face as she caught sight of Deidara waving over his sister's shoulder, hand-mouth grinning. Without compunction, she gave Henso a shove, sweeping Deidara into a big hug.

"Ooooh, my sweet boy, my little ninja."

"Little ninja drop-out more like." Henso muttered darkly, before turning back to Buredo, who seemed to be watching the happenings with amusement. They began chattering again in low voices, about inane things like children and promotions. Sasori was only spared for a moment.

"Haaaah, and who is this fellow? I don't remember having you." Deidara's mother looked him up and down with suspicious eyes. Sasori resisted the urge to squirm, uncomfortably reminded of the time Chiyo-baa-san had caught him trying to hide the pieces of her broken vase. Deidara stepped up to introduce him.

"Okaa-san, this is Sasori no danna, my-"

Deidara's mother clapped her hands over her mouth.

"YOU GOT MARRIED WITHOUT TELLING YOUR DEAR OLD MOTHER? OOOH, OOH, MY POOR BOY, DEFLOWERED BEFORE HIS PRIME!" She screeched, wailing over Deidara's frantic attempts at correcting her. At this point, Sasori thought Deidara might have tried not introducing Sasori as his danna – but that would suggest his partner had some sort of intelligence about him. That idea was dying slowly the more members of his family Sasori met.

At this point Henso felt the need to butt in again.

"Hey, _we_ got deflowered before out prime, you never got that upset about us!" She said, sounding put out. Her mother just talked over her, suddenly all business, as Deidara tried to set her right again.

"Okaa-san, Sasori is not my husband."

"Ah well, not to worry child, I'm sure it'll happen soon." Sasori marvelled once again at the obtuseness of the Ijouna family.

"Now _you_ , you'd better have been treating my son well! I hope you've been…satisfying." At this, the woman leered. Deidara's face blanched.

"OKAA-SAN!"

His mother chuckled.

"That bad, huh? Ah, it's always such a disappointment to find that out late. Your father was perfect in many ways, Deidara, but when we got to the bedroom, tch. It was like a senbon- no, _half_ a senbon. Oh well, there's always pills." She said, winking at Sasori.

He just stared back at her.

"I don't think pills will help me much." He said in a deadpan voice. The irony escaped the woman.

Deidara cleared his throat, face flushed, just as Henso closed the gate behind the young police-man.

"RIGHT! Okaa-san, we were just about to have dinner, you have good timing." He said, as Henso brushed past the group, and started back towards the house again. He wouldn't meet Sasori's eyes.

"Tch, more like that boy dragged me all the way back too soon; doesn't he know they have the best prices on eel just before they close? Young people don't have any idea how to economise." The woman grumbled, unwinding her scarf. She threw it at Deidara, who caught it on reflex, and stretched her neck. The two mouths stretched across her neck yawned, smacking their lips over pointed teeth.

 _What a strange woman_ , Sasori pondered, as he followed the family back inside, greeted to a chorus of children yelling.


End file.
